I'm back!

Friends, it has been a long time, but these have been busy days.

I have been conducting scientific research to figure out if my religion is the real one. If it is, I can still be assured of eternal happiness, while you perverts and sodomites will be assured of eternal damnation.

I have conducted the following experiments:

• I stepped on all of the cracks in the sidewalk. So far, my mother's back remains unbroken.
• I looked really, really carefully at a photo of a rock that looked like it was a fossil of a human footprint underneath a dinosaur footprint. It looked real to me!
• I prayed that if my religion was real, I would get some sort of sign. The next morning when I woke up, one of the flowers in my garden had bloomed.

This is the sort of evidence that cannot be made up. Obviously, my religion is the correct one.

You atheists don't know what you have coming to you. Fortunately, I do.