Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Massah and Meribah

Friends, I have been tested.

The man with the book came back to my house. He said that he thought I hadn't understood his religion.

I explained quite politely that I understood his religion just fine, but I still thought it was a pack of lies. Then I warned him, again quite politely, that he was going to burn in hell for eternity unless he immediately converted to MY religion.

And I think I let my guard down, because he said that MY religion was the fake one. Now I'm not sure what to think.

Normally I would have spat on his garments and ordered him out of my house, but he actually made me wonder if he was right.

This is going to cause problems, I can tell already.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Packin' up, shackin' up's all you wanna do

Pervert-submitted complaint: I read your holy book. While it was very interesting, it was also very disturbing. I have to say that you are taking a lot of it out of context. You focus on specific parts of it that support your argument, and completely ignore the rest.

Uh, is that not exactly what you and the rest of the atheists do?

Monday, May 5, 2008

You will not BELIEVE what just happened

Someone just came to my door and tried to convert me to his religion!

I slammed the door in his face, of course. And I'm incredibly offended. My religion's the only one that's true. He should not be allowed to preach his lies to vulnerable people.

And here's the thing: He has NO PROOF AT ALL! Like I am going to convert to his religion just because he says it's true! I actually laughed at one point while he was talking. He had a book with him, and it was full of stories from many years ago. All of the stories were about his religion being true -- SURPRISE! (I mean, really: If you were planning to put a book of stories together to promote your made-up religion, wouldn't you pick ones that supported your ideas?)

I pointed out that maybe his book had just been made up. He said that couldn't be the case, because other parts of the book said that the whole thing was true. I asked him if he could see how ridiculous that was, and he said he'd pray for me, because I was definitely going to be in trouble with his god.

That's when I told him that I wasn't too worried about his imaginary god, because I have a REAL God who is planning to smite him. He said that MY God was the imaginary one! (The nerve!)

Saturday, May 3, 2008

I don't care what you say

In the end I will be enjoying eternal life in the new heavens and new earth. Meanwhile, you will be weeping and gnashing your teeth in the lake of fire, wishing that you had listened to me. I will laugh as you agonise in eternal pain.

So you might as well stop trying to convince me that my religion is not the correct one. It's not as if I actually listen to any of your perverted comments, anyway.