Friday, May 4, 2007

The importance of the JPod

Hands up: Who understands that the sole factor in determining a musician's success is the number of satanic references on his CD?

You pathetic idiots. This is obvious to everyone else, including the banana guy. What, you've never played records backwards? I personally have ruined 144 turntables this way, and I'm prepared to ruin more if necessary.

Why can't you see that millions of Slayer fans are just waiting for the secret signal that will turn them into Satan worshippers who seek human sacrifice? This is a real threat. It could happen to anyone.

I think I might be sick. Ozzy Osbourne is a personal hero to millions of teenagers who want to be just like him. I know this is true, because I heard it at church. And it's totally true that Black Sabbath was one of the most popular bands from the late '60s to the turn of the century. G-d only knows how many young people have been corrupted. I mean, they were probably going to hell anyway because they were heathens, but now that I have another reason to be sure that I'm better than the rest of them, I just have to make sure everyone knows about it.

The Church of Satan is disgusting to me. Plus, they don't have anything new to say. My religious principles are much more current, because they haven't changed at all in the last 6000 years. Don't try to argue with me. I know I'm right. If you don't agree with me, you'll probably be attacked by terrorists.

I couldn't even watch this video all the way through. I was so horrified by the images of magazine covers that I had to turn it off. This is what you've done to me. Your world is repulsive and you will get what you deserve.

My church is fabulous, and your life is like a pigsty. I am so much better than you that it's hard for you to even realise it with your puny brain. You think you're just like me, but I know otherwise.

1 comment:

Stephen Dawe said...

Isn't the question they ask about Rock music being influenced by Satan a little silly? I mean, isn't there some influence of Satan in everything after the fall?

Heck, I remember even Paul talking about deeds of the flesh in his own life, and he was an apostle. So if he has the effects of sin in his life, the influence of Satan, it's a no-brainer that music would have some of the same influence.