I am angry and my face is downcast

I am furious. So furious that all of the hair is standing up on my arms.

Apparently the heathens in my town are teaching evolution to students in PUBLIC SCHOOLS. Yes. I could just leap on them and rip their faces off with my bare hands. Some sort of godly force appears to be raging through me. That's definitely what it is.

This is a life-and-death struggle for our children's souls. What's next? Are they going to start teaching that the earth goes around the sun? (If there's one scientific thing I can SEE WITH MY OWN EYES, it's that the earth is the centre of the universe.)

Friends, I know that you are as horrified as I am by this latest news. This used to be something that happened in big cities, but now the shame of so-called "science" is even tainting my own community. It should be about education, not indoctrination. And true education is all about converting people to my religion. Children should be taught to question things that have so-called "scientific evidence" for them and consider alternate ideas, like the ones in my holy book.

Clearly, my picket signs have done nothing to slow the steady creep of materialism. I am actively soliciting ideas from you, my loyal readers. Remember that I will delete your comment if you don't quote from the King James Version, though. We can't have any newfangled ideas around here. We've got enough problems already.