Beware the helmeted heathens

Greetings, ye who will be turned into pillars of salt:

Leave me alone. Yes, it's been a long time, but I've been busy. You perverts have no idea how hard it is to be me.

We godly ones have been working hard to fight the powers of evil. You will not believe it, but City Council wants to create a helmet bylaw for cyclists. YES. I was horrified too.

OK, so they don't really want to do this, in the strict sense that technically, they voted it down, but SOME people on City Council wanted to do it, and that's good enough for me.

I don't know how many times I am going to have to say this. HELMETS LEAD TO IMMORALITY. They make people think they are safe, and we all know what happens when people think they are safe. I would rather see everyone die in car crashes than see a single person on a bike wearing a helmet.

True fact: People who wear helmets are twice as likely to die of syphilis. That's a fact. I read it somewhere.

True fact: People with syphilis are going straight into the lake of fire. That's also a fact. You can check that one out in your Bible. That's the big thick book you hide your so-called "marriage certificate" in.

Friends, this one was close. I don't think you realise how much danger we were all in. We cannot have Big Government imposing its disgusting values on our children.