The end times

Greetings, ye who have not yet purged the evil from among you:

As I'm sure you can understand, I have been much too busy to blog. I have been focused on the election. Naturally, we saints understand that the best way to steal the election is to pray for success. We are willing to stay at home on our knees all of Election Day, just to make sure that our preferred candidate wins. Never say that we aren't willing to do the work that really counts. Voting is just a sign that G-d can't do it without our help.

However, it has come to our attention that we are fighting a true prince of darkness. Apparently our opponent has put a witchcraft curse on us. Yes. The warlocks in Kenya get up every morning at 3:00 to put curses on the only G-dly candidate, trying to make us look ridiculous.

This is truly disturbing. Even though those religions are made up, their curses still work. That's just common sense. Goodness knows how many of those curses might be heading our way.

Some might say that the armies of Satan could never prevail, but I am concerned. Those of us in the pro-America regions need to watch out. It is possible that evil spirits could take over if we don't pray hard enough. Omnipotent deities need a certain level of support before they are willing to act. On the other hand, those made-up religions can work no matter how many people are casting the spells.

Don't ask me HOW this works; I just know that it DOES.